Sunday, January 26, 2020

Raising Another Superhero

Addie and Hudson have always loved dressing up. It shouldn't be surprising that Grant is just like them. He loves wearing masks and capes lately and I couldn't be happier with his cute face.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

18 Months Old

It's been a year and a half with Beans in our family. He's so cute and everything he does is silly and sweet. He loves showing affection and will keep giving hugs and kisses for as long as he's allowed to before you just have to put him down. He's still not sleeping through the night consistently and is still nursing. He's been the hardest to wean by a long shot because he's so attached. He's also not the easiest to transition him to his crib because he always wants to be held. He'll sleep within a minute if he's being held but once he feels the motion of you trying to lay him down he's awake. I'm hoping to get him sleep trained soon but I'm not sure how well that will go. 

Grant is also a little guy. He's smaller than even Addie was at this age and she was tiny. I felt some mom guilt with Grant because his pediatrician kept pointing out how small he was on the charts and that I needed to get his weight up. She prescribed Pediasure for him and even scheduled weigh ins. The hard part about this as well was that up until recently Grant refused bottles. The only times he'll even consider a bottle is if there's strawberry flavor in the milk. Otherwise it's very unlikely he'll take a sip. At his 18 month appointment though he finally reached 20 lbs and his doctor is finally happy with where he's at. He still is only in the 4th percentile but she says that he's just a small guy in general and that this is his own normal. I'm glad she's starting to see it this way because the mom guilt has gone away and everyone who knows Grant knows that he's healthy and just naturally small. He might be small but his smile is big. I love his grin. Sometimes when I know he's frustrated I'll go pick him up and he wants to still show you that he's upset but a smile always creeps through just from the fact that he's being held which is his favorite thing. Even though he wants to stay upset he just can't if he's getting affection. It's pretty cute. 


At 18 months Grant loves:
Books
Bubbles
Being Held
Being Outside
 Baths
Unloading the Dishes

Favorite Shows:
Nursery Rhymes

Favorite Songs:
Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree
The Wheels On The Bus
Baby Shark

Favorite Books:
Where's Baby's Belly Button
Little Blue Truck
Time For Bed
Favorite Foods:
Green Smoothies
Avocados
Pizza
Cheese
Bananas
Goldfish Crackers
Apple Sauce
Chicken Nuggets
Quesadillas
Dislikes:
Coming Inside from Outside
The Doctor
The Nurses
Getting His Hair Cut
Not Being Held

The last time I did an update on the list of words that Grant knew was on his birthday post and at that time there were only five words. Grant has always been very vocal and his count of five words have grown tremendously in the last six months. He is now up to sixty six words and learning everyday. He truly amazes me with his love for learning.

His current list of words:
Mama
Hi
Uh Oh
EIEIO
Bye
Help
Dada
No
Yee Haw!
Thank You
Yeah
Get Out
Need Help
Tickle Tickle
Addie
Binky
Night Night
Owe
Go
Nose
Doggy
Roar!
Where It Go?
Here You Go
Ball
Snack
Water (Wa Wa)
Bottle (Ba Ba)
I Love You
Hotdog
Tree
Book
Pizza
Hold Me
Blueberry (Bluey)
Outside
Snowing
Kitty
Meow
Bird
Hudson
Ho Ho Ho
Apple
Banana (Nana)
Car
Bubbles
Amen
Socks
Shoes
Nice
Beep Beep Beep
Poo Poo
Stuck
Cheese
Puppy
Wow
Baby
Woof Woof
Jaina (Naina)
Teeth
Avocado (Cado)
One
Two
Three
Rubble
Moo
Trying on his Halloween costume ten months early. 😄
18 month old stats:
Weight - 20.06 lbs (4.72%)
Length - 32 in (34.24%)

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Gecko Boy

This boy is pure sunshine. He seriously cracks me up. He was Captain America for our trip to Costco and insisted on being Gecko for Addie's preschool drop off. Complete with his own backpack and lunchbox. I'm never quite sure which character I'm going to be leaving the house when it comes to my kids. I love it.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

January Outing - Circus

One of my goals for this year is to plan a fun outing or playdate for the kids and myself each month. This month I decided to take my family to the circus. They were in town for one night only and my kids have never been. The circus was also my second date with Danny and that was the last time we'd been so I thought it would be fun.
I was not expecting to experience the circus with different lens and got a different perspective from it as a parent. Danny and I honestly both felt a little bad for the animals there. We didn't say anything to each other until after the kids were already in bed for the night but it was strange how both of us got the same feeling from it. We also both had a desire to take our kids to a real elephant sanctuary so Thailand is now officially on our bucketlist for family travels one day. With that said the kids had soooo much fun and that alone was the best part of the night. All three did amazing and we were so proud of them. They laughed, squealed, cheered and grinned. They really did have a blast and I was happy for them. The circus also displayed some 'real' dinosaurs which really got the kids excited. It was their favorite part. Their second favorite part was a car that turned into a transformers robot. At least their favorite parts weren't ones that displayed the animal acts. We don't think we'll go to the circus again but we're glad that we at least did go one time as a family. I remember going as a kid and Danny does as well so hopefully this will remain a fond memory for them for as long as it can before their perspective suddenly takes a drastic shift like it did for Danny and I tonight. Overall this first family organized outing for 2020 was a success just based on the kid's reaction alone. 



Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Fat Lip And Lehi's Dream

I feel terrible for my little Huddy Buddy. Today I was rushing the boys into the car so we wouldn't be late picking up Addie from preschool and an accident happened. I'm not even sure how it happened exactly but I lifted Hudson into the car on Grant's side and I turned to finish buckling Grant in when the next think I knew Hudson was on the ground outside of the van. Apparently he didn't like that I had him enter on the wrong side of the van and he wanted to get in from the other side where the door is closest to his carseat. His feet must have gotten tangled when he turned to leave and landed on his face. He started screaming. There was a lot of blood and I hurried him inside so that I could clean him up. I checked his teeth which appeared fine and then cuddled him while holding a wet cloth to his lips. He's better now but seeing his poor mouth hurts my heart. He kept telling me that he had an owie and I felt bad for him. He's a tough kid though and only cried for five minutes. We barely made it in time to pick up Addie from school and then I took all three kids to the store and got them a small toy and suckers. I needed to redeem myself because I blamed me for upsetting him in the first place by putting him in the van on the wrong side. If I hadn't done that he wouldn't have tried to climb out to correct my mistake.
I did have them wait for their new little toys until the evening. We are studying The Book of Mormon this year with the Come Follow Me curriculum and this week we are reading about Lehi's Dream. Well while at the store I also bought a 50ft rope and set up an obstacle course that ran from the bedroom hallway, through the kitchen and into the living room. Their prize was found at the end of the 'iron rod' and then we finished the lesson by eating their favorite kind of cookie (pumpkin chocolate chip cookies). I probably should have chosen a fruit to depict the fruit in the vision but you can never go wrong with cookies. 😁Addie wants to reenact the lesson tomorrow night during Danny's short window in between his travels.

London Then California - Travel Man

Addie's teacher today informed me that Danny is now known as the travel man. Apparently Addie excitedly told everyone that he is in London but comes home tomorrow only to leave the next day for California. It's true. He's been in London since last week and I'm excited for him to come home tomorrow. We only have a few hours with him before he leaves again but I've learned that I can handle any amount of his travel time as long as it's not over seven weeks. I actually don't even think I could do seven weeks again but this time it's only ten days and that I can do. 👍🏼

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam

Hudson is now a Sunbeam! Because of his December birthday he's the very youngest in primary. He might not be excited to leave nursery, but with time I'm sure he'll grow to love being in the same big room that Addie is in. I'm also grateful to be in the primary presidency so that I can witness him experience this new milestone for him. Hudson boy I'm so proud of you.





Friday, January 3, 2020

Celebrating Camila

Today was a hard day. Today is also a good day though. It's a good day because it's a miracle that my sister Camila gets to celebrate another birthday. She's defied the odds against her and has survived this year when we weren't sure that would be possible. I don't have the power to make things better or go back to before her disease kicked in and wiped her memory, abilities and identity and today as I sat next to her I hoped there was a small part of her that still remembers me. She probably doesn't. But one day she will. Her body will be perfect. Her mind will be perfect. And she'll never have to live her nightmare again. Until then the only thing left to do is love. She might have forgotten me. But I won't forget her.

With that said though, today was still a hard day. I really felt like I should go see her. I don't know how much longer she has here so I was determined to make it happen. The only biological family members that she has had with this disease had all died really young. Today she's 37. She's already doing better than those before her. I decided to take Grant with me because he came with me to my last visit to her care facility and she really seemed to like him. At the time she liked all babies and one of the only few words she could say was "baby". On my drive up to see her I felt every emotion I could. I was excited and nervous and sad all at the same time. There's a lot of reasons of why I felt sad. One is that she even has to deal with this disease. It's very sad. She's a widow who has lost the love of her life and now has a disease that is wiping her memory of the loved ones she still has left on this earth. Including her four beautiful children. I'm also sad that Danny never got to know the Camila that I knew. She was my hero. Pollyanna and I both looked up to her so much and wanted to be just like her. We actually both wanted to be her at times. She was beautiful and kind and she really looked out for her little sisters. I'm really sad that I didn't get to share that person with my own little family that I have created and grown. I'm also sad that I didn't see the first signs of her disease as symptoms to something beyond her control. I judgingly assumed that her symptoms were a result of something else and at times by someone else. I'm also sad for her children. Sad that they lost both of their parents tragically. Their father is gone physically and their mother is gone mentally. That's just horrible. I'm also sad because I know that if Camila knew what her future would have looked like when she was much younger she would have hated this for herself. I hate this for her. I hate this disease that she doesn't even understand she has. It isn't fair to her and to everyone close to her. It is what it is though. I was also feeling excited. Excited because she's still here physically and there's a part of me that wonders if she's still "there" somehow and just unable to communicate with us. I was excited because I believed there was a chance she still remembered me. Just two weeks ago while at the family Christmas party I was sitting on a couch and Camila stood up from where she was sitting across the room and walked over to sit on the spot right next to me. I wondered if this was a sign that she did remember who I am. She's not able to talk to me or confirm anything but I was still excited to see her because I was hopeful. I was also excited for this visit because I had Grant with me and I was thinking that maybe their sweet innocent spirits would connect. That he would feel good around her and get her to smile. I was also nervous. Nervous because I knew there was a chance that my reasons of excitement would turn into reasons for sadness. Nervous because I felt that I would know after this visit if she remembered me or not and I was afraid I wouldn't like the answer to that. My thoughts were taking me round and round through all three emotions for the entire hour long drive until I finally got there.

When I did get there Grant was asleep so I waited fifteen minutes until he woke up and I could take him inside. It was also lunch time for Camila and the other residents so I was trying to wait that out as long as I could so that I could have more personal time with her outside of her lunch hour. When I got inside I was directed to a big room where Camila was sitting. She was at a table with three senior ladies who all had different forms of dementia. Unfortunately her food hadn't arrived yet. I was hoping to have arrived right after lunch but that didn't happen. I stood next to her and tried talking but she did not seem interested at all. She was actually glaring at me and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I told her happy birthday and that I was there to spend a little time with her. There were some artwork near the table she was sitting at so I pointed out her drawing to her and told her how great it looked and tried to keep small talk going from my end. That's not the easiest thing to do to someone who can barely only say yes or no. Even though I knew better I did ask her a question that I was really curious about. I asked her if she knew who I was. She didn't react. Then I asked her if I was her sister. She nodded yes. I wondered if she would nod yes to anything so then I asked her if I was her cousin. She nodded yes. I wasn't trying to trick her or anything but right then I knew that her mind didn't really know who I was at all. In the past if I had asked where her sister was she would point to me. This time she just seemed annoyed by my entire existence. It was devastating but I didn't allow my feelings to show. Her food came and she started eating. Not once did she acknowledge Grant. She didn't look at him and the only reason she even looked at me was because I was bugging her by talking. I then decided I needed to leave her alone for a second so I turned my attention to the other three ladies who were all loving on Grant. They had been talking to him the whole time and it made me happy that his presence was having a positive effect on those ladies. One by one they slowly finished their food and then Camila decided that she was done as well. She's not the cleanest eater. She was actually really messy so I grabbed a napkin and tried to clean her up. I was wiping her hands and just trying to be as sweet and helpful as I could be. She didn't like that. She grabbed the napkin from my hands and threw it across the table. She was grunting a little towards me and never did let off on her glare. She pushed the table to try and get passed me so I stood up to make some room for her so she wouldn't fall. I could tell her walking was worse than the last visit. I slowly followed her out of that eating room and into the foyer/lobby they had. This new room had one tv and one chair and while she was making her way towards that chair she kept looking back at me to see that I was still following her. I was and she didn't like that either. She sits down on that one chair and tries to watch whatever program was already playing. I kneel down next to her and asked her if I could stay a little bit longer and just be with her. She said no. I was hoping that she didn't really understand my question so then I worded my question differently and asked if she wanted me to leave. She said yes. She was being as clear as she could and I understood her. I think I even asked a third time but there was no point. She was angry and not happy with me. I wished her happy birthday again and told her I loved her. I then looked for a caretaker who could take me to the elevator to leave (the elevator only works with a worker's badge). Up until this point I was doing really well with my emotions. I really was. Yes I was sad but I didn't blame her. Not at all. That's not the Camila that I grew up with and it's far from her fault. She has a horrible trial she's dealing with and I 1000% know that if this disease wasn't in her life that we would still be very close. I found a caretaker who rode the elevator with me and while on the ride down she asked me who I was there to see. I told her Camila and that I was her sister. Her reply was "Oh I'm so sorry". That's when I broke. That's when I started crying. This visit did make me wonder if my thoughts of maybe there being a part of her that remembered me at the Christmas party was wrong and she actually was just making her way to the couch I was on because it looked more comfortable than the chair she had been on. I took Grant to the car and while still in the parking lot I called Pollyanna. She's the closest person who can understand just how sad this situation really is. Her relationship with Camila was just as special as the bond that I shared with her. We mourned the "loss" of our big sister which I know is very weird to say or write out because she's still here. Her body is still here. She has not passed away yet. But at the same time she's also not here. I can't fully explain it and only those who truly knew the before and after would get it. It's a drastic change. And it's only going to get worse. Soon she won't be walking at all and eventually the next thing to decline is her ability to swallow food. Right now she has to eat really small bites to prevent choking. Right now I need to look for the things that she can still do and be grateful for that. 

Instead of driving straight home I took Grant to the nearest fast food restaurant so that I could get him some food. It was also nice to have him with me and I turned our afternoon into a one on one date. Just me and my littlest guy. I needed some positives in my day and Grant provided that for me. It's funny because I took him with me thinking he would be that person for my sister but instead it was me who needed him most. He was so good for that whole visit. Usually toddlers can have a hard time sitting still and instead would rather explore around. Grant never did that. He sat on my lap the entire time and never whined to get down. It was like he knew exactly what he was doing and I'm especially thankful for him in that moment. 
We also didn't go straight home from there either. We headed to one of my best friends' house (Charisa) for a quick hello and then headed to the Bean Museum in Provo where I knew Danny would be with Addie and Hudson. The morning started off rough but ended with some good quality family time.
Like I said at the beginning of this post. One day she will remember me. Her body will be perfect. Her mind will be perfect. And she'll never have to live her nightmare again. Until then the only thing left to do is love. She might have forgotten me. But I won't forget her. 

Camila I love you and I hope you have a great birthday.

Camila and Eddie
Halloween - We all dressed up in Eddie's clothes and took Caide trick or treating.

Thursday, January 2, 2020

Snowman Creativity

We've had a lot of snow this winter but yesterday was the first time we all went out and actually played in it for longer than ten minutes. The kids decided to build a snowman with their dad however the snowman slowly transformed from an original snowman to a dinosaur snowman. Then that dinosaur morphed into a Pokemon. They were having a lot of fun with it and really let their creativity take place. I'm not a huge fan of snow or feeling cold but I am a huge fan of them and their smiles. I'm glad they were able to all have fun.