Last night was quite stressful. I got a text message from my sister Pollyanna informing me that our brother Ben was missing. Apparently he left work during his break and didn't return which is not like him at all. He left and went to his biological mom's gravesite and send a message to my dad with a video of her headstone and the message "Thanks for being my dad goodbye." It's a miracle that my dad replied back because he's terrible at texting back right away. Luckily he saw the message though and replied with "Thanks for being my son! You are an inspiration to me! Is this headstone your biological mother?". His reply was "Yes I'm joining her soon." After that my dad tried both texting him back as well as calling him but there was no answer. With worry he contacted Pollyanna and asked her to check out the gravesite to see if she could find him. My parents are still serving their mission in New York and my dad was trying to navigate all this from afar. Thankfully Pollyanna went and found his cellphone on the ground by the headstone but no Ben around. From that point more of my siblings got involved with the search for him. They went to his work and checked out the surveillance videos which showed Ben leaving. They searched and searched but didn't come up with any more clues. The police had a missing person's search going on for him that included searching all the hotels and hospitals in the surrounding area. This was the point that Pollyanna reached out to me. I felt so sick inside with the news. It sucked being so far away from family and wishing that I could be there to help in the search. I looked through my phone to see if there were any pictures that showed his face well and came across one that we took together when I was in Utah for Camila's funeral. I cropped my face out of it and sent it to my dad who then forwarded it to the police searching for him. Even though I couldn't be there it felt nice to be of help even if it was just a little. We all went to bed last night believing that he had done something to himself and that he was now with Camila in heaven as well as his biological mom. It was a long and sad night. I just kept picturing Camila welcoming him and giving him a giant hug. They're exactly 14 months apart and were so close growing up. I hoped he was alive but honestly felt like he wasn't anymore.
This morning just before 9am I reached out to my dad and asked if there were any updates. Thankfully there was. He had just gotten off the phone with Ben who was alive and well. I guess not exactly well but he was alive. Turns out he did intend to end his life. He tried by overdosing but didn't succeed. He woke up this morning and decided to head home which is where his landlord saw him and had him call our dad on the landlord's phone since Ben didn't have his. He's so lucky that Pollyanna was the one who found his phone. I guess the police even searched the hotel that he checked into and Ben could hear their voices calling for him. I don't understand exactly what happened to lead Ben to this decision but apparently he's been pretty paranoid the last couple of weeks and something happened to really spook him. He felt like someone was after him so hearing voices call out for him probably only made this scenario for him scarier. I'm so thankful that whatever Ben tried didn't work and that we still have him around today. He might have a long road of emotional healing ahead of him but he's agreed to get some mental help and I hope he's able to find some peace through all this. Ben I love you and pray that you don't feel alone. You are cared for probably more than you realize.
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