I found a letter on my laptop that I had written three years ago for one of my missionary friends. I typed up the story of how I met my birth mom. It also included a story of how someone tried to rob me while I was at the beach in Rio de Janeiro which is actually a funny story but since this post is going to be very long I'll skip that part today. For some reason I decided to tell my friend the story in four or five different parts and since I'll just be copying it onto here it will be the same format. I still can't believe that this story is true or that this story is mine. But it is true and it is mine.
Part 1:
Growing up I never had the desire or felt the need to contact my birth mother. I never played the "what if" game because honestly I never cared to. I loved my life the way it was. I never felt like a part of me was missing or anything like that. What I knew of my birth mom was that she had a two year old boy when she was pregnant with me. She didn't have the resources to care for another baby and the birth father kept telling her to have an abortion. She left the guy because she didn't want to do the abortion and instead turned to adoption. This was all I knew about her and the story and that was good enough for me. To be honest I liked this story. I was picked up at the hospital as a newborn by my dad's good friend Cornelius (this part is really important for later in the story). My dad and Cornelius have always kept in contact throughout the years and later on Cornelius's daughter Giovanna came to live with my family as a foreign exchange student. Well at the end of my mission Cornelius and his family got permission from my mission president to spend the last weekend of my mission in my area to visit me. They took me and
my companion out to eat and he started telling me how he remembered me when I
was a newborn and how he picked me up. I wasn’t thinking at all when I told him
“yeah and the cool thing now is that I know Portuguese so I would be able to
talk to her if I met her”. Apparently this was understood as a request for him
to get in contact with my birth mom so that I could talk to her, when really I
was only joking and just said it without thinking anything of it.
Part 2:
Last thanksgiving (2012) my dad got
a call from Cornelius. He found my birth mom and had this story to tell. She
was 24 years old when she was pregnant with me and after the birth father left
the picture because she didn’t want to have an abortion she moved in with her
mom. The grandma was already pretty much taking care of the two year old boy
and knew that the mom couldn’t take care of another baby. So she talked the mom
into adoption. The birth mom (Rose) didn’t like the idea of adoption either.
Rose figured out that she would go through the adoption process to please her
mom and she thought that once I was born the grandma would change her mind last
minute and she wouldn’t have to complete the adoption process. Well that wasn’t
the case and I went to my family. After that Rose hated her mother. Hate is a
strong word but it’s not strong enough for this situation. Rose literally can’t
stand her mother and still to this day holds a huge grudge. Shortly after Rose
met this other guy (some Japanese fellow) and they got married. She had another
baby girl (now I have an Asian sister).
Throughout the years she told the boy and girl about me but what she
told them was a complete LIE. She told them that I died at child birth. What?
Anyways . . . the Asian guy (I never did get his name) and Rose hired a private
detective to find me but they didn’t know my current last name. All they knew
was that I went to a Mormon American family and that my first name is Gina.
They spent years looking for me but didn’t have any luck. Last fall the Asian
guy passed away (actually that could also be a lie because apparently I also
died haha just kidding that part was insensitive because this is actually true). After he died she
stopped looking for me. She was scared that if her son and daughter found out
that I have really been alive this whole time that it would cause huge family
drama. She was scared that her kids would resent her and leave her life. The
day that Cornelius called her she told him all of this stuff and then she told
him that she really wanted me to get in contact with her but there were some
conditions . . . I wasn’t allowed to call unless it was between 7:30pm and
8:00pm, because those were the only times her kids aren’t in the house. I
wasn’t allowed to email her directly because her kids might read her emails. I
wasn’t allowed to send a letter to the house in case her kids opened the mail
before her. I wasn’t allowed to contact the siblings over Facebook and on and
on and on. She was super paranoid that she would get caught in her lie and her
family would be destroyed. The only thing I was allowed to do was send a letter
to Cornelius and he would personally deliver it to her. So when I heard all of this
I was a little shocked . . . no I was super shocked. It’s a weird feeling to
find out that you were considered dead for 23 years and not even know it. It’s
also a weird feeling to find out that a private detective was searching for me.
The weirdest feeling of all though is to know that someone I hadn’t given much
thought about was spending years looking for me and now that she’s closer she
put a whole bunch of restrictions on how I can contact her.
Part 2 ½: (I don't know why I felt the need to make this part 2.5, but apparently I did.)
I don’t know if you know this about
me but it does not take much to make me feel guilty. The worst feeling in the
world is guilt. I absolutely hate it!! Well I felt super guilty for growing up
and not caring about this woman. I also felt guilty that I wasn’t doing
anything to contact her after I got that information. I remember I talked it
over with some friends and all told me to write a letter saying how grateful I
am for her giving me life. I wasn’t sure what to do. I tried to write a letter
of thanks to her but it kind of came off as a spoiled girl who grew up in
America telling her how I’m much better off than I would have been there. So I
threw that letter away. I wanted to write a letter to the grandma thanking her
since she’s the one who pushed for the adoption. I feel bad that Rose never
talks to her mom anymore. I guess during the investigation the grandma would
ask Rose if the detective found me and Rose would just scream and yell at her
telling her it was her fault and why would she care if the baby was found and so
forth. Anyways like I said she hates her. Well around Christmas time I decided
I was going to take a trip to Brazil so that I could visit my mission and also
visit Giovanna and her family. The trip wouldn't be for another six months but I already started to struggle with the decision of
meeting Rose or not. I honestly didn’t feel anything for her and that made me
feel bad. I felt bad for not feeling bad. Does that make sense? I was thinking
that twenty years down the road I might look back to this time and regret being
in Brazil and not doing anything about meeting her so I started to lean more
towards the possibility of meeting Rose (just so that I could avoid guilt down
the road. I know this sounds bad.). I also thought it would be good for Rose
and the relationship she has with her mother if she saw how happy I am with my
life. For some reason I thought it would help Rose heal and not be so bitter or
full of grudge. When I got to Brazil I still wasn’t 100% sure what I would do.
Part 3:
Okay so then I got to Brazil and
this crazy story of how I died at child birth gets even crazier . .
. but first let me back up the train. When I first got to Brazil I still
wasn’t sure what I’d do, but when Cornelius asked me what I wanted to do I said
that he could arrange a meeting with her. The night he called Rose I wasn’t
there; I was with my parents in a hotel in another city. Apparently the son,
Anderson, picked up the phone and he came off as very rude. He kept asking
Cornelius what he wanted with Rose and why it was so important that he talk to
her. Cornelius kept telling him that he’s an old friend and he just wanted to
see how she was doing. After a while Anderson finally told him to just call
back the next day because Rose was too busy at the moment. The next day Rose
took the phone number from the caller ID and called Cornelius. She told him
that she had been waiting months to hear news from him again (because remember
they first talked last Thanksgiving and it was now June). Rose told Cornelius
that after their first phone call she felt obligated to tell her two kids that
I was in fact alive and living in the United States. She told Cornelius that
they have been waiting to hear news about me because they all want to meet me.
Cornelius explained to her that I was in a different city but that his wife
Margaret could pick me up and take me to their place later that night. On the
phone she sounded pretty happy about this. Well later that day Giovanna comes
to the hotel to get me and she says “my dad talked to your birth family and my
mom is going to take you there to meet everyone right now.” While on the bus
she explained to me how Cornelius first called the night before and spoke with
the son and how the mom told him that now everyone knows I’m not dead. Not
going to lie I started to feel nervous. I wasn’t prepared to meet three people.
Finally I get in Margaret’s car and we’re driving to the place. We were
supposed to get there at 7pm but for some reason we didn’t get there 'til 8pm. Margaret is someone who is very prompt and she knows how to get
around the cities. It was very unlike her to get lost and be so late (it was
all meant to be though). Have you seen the animated movie Rio?? Well if you can
picture a place where houses are on top of houses and there is no
light from street lamps or anything then you have the place where my birth
family lives. We were driving around when this guy on the corner called for us
to stop. He asked Margaret if she was with Gina and then to follow him. We got
out of the car and started walking with this guy down this narrow street where
cars can’t fit or pass through. I kept thinking someone was going to run up to us from the back because you couldn’t see anything. Every time we passed a house
with light coming from the window the guy would look back at me and say the
same thing “wow you look just him” “you look just like Anderson”. Finally we
get inside the house. I’m sitting on a stool next to Margaret and the guy
stands across the room just staring at me. There was a woman sitting on the couch
avoiding eye contact with me and just talking on her phone. The guy who found
us was super nice and friendly. He showed me pictures of Anderson and kept
telling me how much I looked like him. After ten minutes of being in the house
I finally whispered to Margaret “is this my mom?” She nodded yes and suddenly
all my nerves went away. I went back to being the person who didn’t care what
the outcome would be of this experience. I was looking at the lady on the couch
who was on the phone completely avoiding me and I could tell that something was
wrong. I found out that her son, Anderson, was in critical condition at the hospital. After he
got off the phone with Cornelius he left on his motorcycle and got in a bad
accident so he wasn’t there. I also didn’t get to meet Deise (the girl) because
she had left the house five minutes earlier for a school final (in Brazil you
never miss exams even if you’re sick). Finally Rose gets off her phone and she
stands up then tells us to follow her. We all went to the kitchen and she finally
looked at me. The first thing out of her mouth was “wow you’re pretty” but the
way she said it was like “wow you’re actually pretty I didn’t think you would
be” hahaha at least that’s how I took it. But seriously she sounded surprised
when she said this. Anyways after that comment she goes right into this crazy
story . . .
Part 4 (just because I want a part four)
She jumps right into the biggest
lie I have ever heard come from another human’s mouth. She told everyone that I
was kidnapped. First I was dead and now I was kidnapped? No wonder Anderson was
such a jerk to Cornelius on the phone because he was under the impression that
Cornelius was the kidnapper. Rose told everyone that I was stolen and now after
all these years I was being given back. Rose explained the part about the birth
father leaving after she wouldn’t do the abortion and about how much she hates
her mother for recommending adoption. Rose told everyone that after five
minutes of holding me a guy came into the room and took me from her arms. She
said that the adoption wasn’t legalized and that she wanted to go to court and
fight it because I was supposed to be with her. While she was saying all of
this I could tell that Margaret was biting her tongue because she had to hear
this fake story about how her husband was the kidnapper. They eventually did
start arguing and I thought a fight was going to happen. I was there for two
hours and she chose to spend the time talking about the kidnapping, about how
much she hates her mother, how much she hates my birth father, how much she
hates America because that’s where I was, and how much she hates the LDS church
because they helped steal me. Not once did she ask me anything about my life,
like if I went to school, if I was dating, what I liked to do etc. At one point
I cut her off and I told her that I was happy to finally get this opportunity
because I wanted to thank her for bringing me into this world even though I
knew it was a difficult decision for her. Well then she cut me off with some
interesting words..... she said 'Gina I know this is going to be hard to hear
but it's true, if I could do it all over again I would have never gone to the
hospital. I would have given birth to you at some bus stop and we would be
living on the street together as a family.' What was I supposed to say to
that?? She went on to say how it wasn't fair that she never got to see me grow
up and how unfair it is that I was taken away. She also said it was hard to
look at me because I had so many similarities like the birth father and her
son. The interesting part about that night is that a lot of Anderson's friends
would walk into the kitchen to get an update on his condition and then they
would see me and just stare. A couple asked why I looked so much like Anderson
because they had never seen me before. Everyone that came in the room to visit was real cool. They wanted to know me and everyone started showing me
pictures of Anderson. I looked at the pictures and I didn't see any resemblance but oh well.
I just thought it interesting that
a lady who was so bitter about me not being in her life would throw away this
opportunity to meet me. I went there thinking it would help her heal and feel
good about herself but instead I had to hear her tell this lie. In my opinion
this is what I think happened. In Brazil some people don't really look at
adoption as the best option for the baby instead its frowned upon and it just
makes it look like the mother gave away her baby. To avoid this I think Rose
told people I died and then cut off contact with her mom so the truth didn't
come out. When she finally told her kids that I was alive she changed the story
to make it look like she still didn't do an adoption and that instead I was
kidnapped. Of course I'll never know the real reasoning behind it but one thing
was sure is that Rose is very bitter and she felt like she needed to justify
everything that happened. Anyways back to this crazy story. She told everyone
that I was being returned and everyone was so happy. They were telling me
how I'll feel weird at first but then things will get normal and that I'll love
being back with my family. They told me that somehow the boy will live and
he'll leave the hospital and he'll become my protector. I seriously was at a
loss for words. I didn't know what to say! When I told them that I was just
there to visit and that I was going back to the United States the mom took me
into another room, she wanted to make sure that I left with pictures of them. I
was a little glad that we were late and that Deise wasn’t there and even though
it was sad that Anderson was in the hospital it would have been bad if he was
there in the kitchen because everything he knew was a lie.
I was feeling so bad before about
how I didn't care much to meet her but now I'm grateful that I went in with low
expectations. Can you imagine the feeling someone would have if they had gone
into this situation with the highest expectations? Instead of that happy moment
the person would have to sit through a couple of hours listening to a crazy
story, the person that gave birth to you didn't ask a single question about
your personal life, and the one thing the person did know was about the
religion and she chose to attack that for a while. I could go on and on because
that's exactly what happened to me. I left that night not feeling hurt or
devastated because I went in with no feelings to start with (sad to say). I
actually just felt bad for her. I felt bad that she hasn't forgiven her mother,
bad that she feels the need to make up a story, and bad that she probably
ruined the only chance she'll ever have to really talk to me. I do think the
experience would have gone differently if her son wasn't dying in the hospital
and if there weren't so many people visiting at the house. After a while the
visitors would bring more visitors so they could see my face . . . weird. Plus
I'm sure she was nervous but still the whole situation made me feel like I was
in a movie. I finally left that place and when I did I didn't take any
pictures, give them my last name or any of my contact information.
Part 5 (I know what you're thinking . . . how can there be a
part 5?)
After I left that house I spent the
rest of the trip in a different part of Brazil and I didn't see Cornelius until
on the way to the airport. Apparently Rose had been calling him several times a
day telling him how happy she was to meet me and that she wanted me to come
back and meet Anderson because he was slowly getting better (she's a different person when she's on the phone with Cornelius). Anyways he told her
that I wasn't there and that I was on my way back to the USA. He gave me the
Facebook information for Anderson and Deise and told me that any further
contact was up to me. While at the airport the plane was delayed. We boarded on
the plane at 10:30pm and the plane didn't take off until 4am because
of technical problems. Since I sat on the plane for six hours with nothing to
do I did a lot of Facebook stalking. I didn't add them though because I
wasn't sure what to tell them. As far as they knew I was their long lost sister
who went from dead to stolen.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
My letter to
the missionary at this point goes on to tell my engagement story because as we
know when the plane landed back in the U.S. Danny was there ready to propose.
It’s now been three years since I wrote down that story and had that
experience. A couple weeks after getting home from that trip I got a friend
request on Facebook from both Deise and Anderson. I was nervous at first
because I felt bad that I hadn’t reached out to them but after getting engaged
my mind was too distracted with wedding stuff to become too worried about any consequences
that could come from birth family communication. It actually turned out to be
really good. Anderson has fully recovered and is doing really well. He has a
girlfriend who I still communicate with and they have a little boy named Luke
who is just two months younger than Addie. Deise is only a year younger than me
and is also doing well. I see pictures of her everyday through social media and
it makes me wonder what it would be like to hang out with her. No one has ever
brought up the topic of kidnapping which is great. I haven't really shared this story with others before now and the main reason is because of how crazy it is. The whole time that I was sitting in that kitchen in Brazil my thoughts were mostly "is this real life?" and "is this actually happening to me?". I'm glad I wrote this story in my friend's letter while it was so fresh in my mind because I couldn't help but laugh a little as I read it again. If I regret anything it would probably be that I didn't take any pictures of me with my birth mom while I was there. I still have the pictures that she handed me. I do not regret meeting her though; even if my story was far from what I thought would happen. I'm still happy and I love the life I have. I owe that to her, regardless of how I ended up across the world from that hospital room. So thank you Rose.
