Saying Goodbye?

Yesterday on Friday June 5th at 5pm I received the following text from my dad:

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To all, 

 Camila's health has declined quickly in the past week. Today I received the following                                  from the care center: 

"We are concerned about Camila's status. We have done lab work and there are some abnormal ones but with further assessments and testing we can not find the causes. She is totally dependent on staff for all cares and needs now, she does not talk with us as well. She is not even bearing weight when they are transferring her. She is taking in small amounts of food and fluids."

Not knowing how this process will go for Camila, I wanted all to be aware. We have talked with the care center and they told us that they would allow a visit to be made to Camila for those that may be interested as long as masks, gloves, etc are worn. If any of you would like to make a visit, please let me know and we will arrange it. When she does pass we will make sure to have a viewing and service so that all will have that opportunity to show your last respects for this precious daughter of God, our daughter, sister, mother or aunt."

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We got a group of us together at her facility the very next day around 3:30pm. They moved Camila to a big room to accommodate us and even had some snacks provided for us as we all gathered to say the potential last goodbye. This facility has been on a strict lockdown with zero visits allowed up until this day and they were careful with taking precautions such as taking our temperature at the door and making sure we all had masks on before entering the building. It was nice that they didn't enforce an age restriction so that I could have my children with me. Amazingly they did great with making sure their masks stayed on. They did briefly take it off for when they were eating the snacks but they put them right back on without any complaints which is always nice to have one less thing to worry about. 

Seeing Camila in her current state was both sad and weird. However I did feel that she looked better than I anticipated. The initial message my dad had forwarded to me from the facility made me anticipate to find her in worse condition than she was. She is no longer able to walk which was something she could do during my last visit so that was a definite change. I sat next to her in her wheelchair but there's not much one can do or even say in this situation. Unless you're my other sister Pollyanna who seems to have a gift for knowing exactly what to do and what to say in hard times like this. I mostly just watched her and was in awe at how she was able to make everyone around us feel somewhat comfortable. It's always bittersweet when I leave these visits with Camila because I get taken back in my childhood memories of who she used to be which can leave a bitter feeling because then I'm reminded of how that's far from the state she is in now. It's also sweet because any interaction with her means she's still here physically even if it's not mentally. Seeing her kids be in that room with us was hard because they don't deserve this and have been dealt with a really hard hand at life. It's not their fault and it's not Camila's fault. I wish this was all different but it's not and it is what it is. All I can do is hope and pray that Camila can feel comfortable and comforted. The next time I see her might be at her funeral but I hope she knows that especially today she was surrounded by people who all love her and want the best for her.