Happy birthday Caide. I've been thinking a lot about him lately. Maybe it's because it's his mom's death anniversary tomorrow, maybe it's because he has the same disease she did, and maybe it's because I'm bombarded with so much guilt regarding him lately that when my mind goes quiet it always leads back to him. I feel bad that I didn't do more to spend as much time as I could have with him while in Utah. And now I'm in North Dakota so far away while he's in a care center all alone. I feel so much guilt. Just knowing that both of his parents have died should have been enough for me to do more than I did for him and his siblings. A couple of days ago my dad sent out a family group text message saying that he's loving the care center he is at and is doing well. He even has an amazing nurse named Olivia who apparently also worked with Camila. That connection brings me a little bit of joy and I would love to just sit down and talk with her. My dad told me that he even calls her Mom which is cute. I'm not sure where Caide is at mentally because he already isn't able to talk very much. A lot of his words are gone and he's starting to get a bit wobbly as well. It feels like it was just yesterday when he received his official positive results, yet I've felt it in my gut since my time with him at my sister's funeral. Sadly his symptoms are progressing so much faster than they did for his mom and I'm really nervous for him. Today I just wish him all the peace in the world as he turns another year older. Again, happy birthday Caide. I love you more than I could ever express.
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