Here Am I, Send Me

Today I got a wake up call. A well needed one too. Let me back up real quick. Danny and I have been married for two years and we've now been a part of five different wards. We were in our first ward for three months before that ward split and we were moved into our second ward. We lasted five months in that ward before we moved to Mapleton. Our Mapleton ward was our longest at a little over a year until we moved to Orem/Vineyard. We were in that ward for two months and then that ward split as well and we were no longer in their boundaries. Today was our first Sunday in our new ward. To be honest I was looking forward to this recent change. I was really hoping that we could start over fresh and meet new people. Honestly I felt a desperate need of making friends and someone I can relate to since we plan on being in this area for awhile. Our previous calling was in the nursery which was fine but we didn't get to interact with a lot of people. It's easy to feel secluded in there. 

Well last night we met with someone in the bishopric and we were given our new calling. The nursery. This is the third time we've been asked to serve there and I felt disappointed. I know this is bad but I was really bummed and all that hope and excitement I had felt for this new ward was gone. I was sad that we hadn't even had our first Sunday and a chance to meet anyone in our ward yet and I felt that we now wouldn't get that chance. My attitude was horrible last night. Of course I accepted the calling but my heart wasn't all in. 

There was a moment today where I took Addie into the mothers room to change her diaper. I could hear the speaker from the ward after us over the intercom. I only heard two minutes of her talk but those two minutes were meant for me. She talked about the meeting we all had in heaven where we were going over God's plan for us. Satan was at that meeting and said, "here am I, send me". Jesus was at that meeting as well and also spoke those words, "here am I, send me". Sounds pretty good right? Well it only sounds good if the intentions are good. Satan was willing to go, however his motives were different. He wanted glory. He wanted something out of it. Jesus was willing to go but it wasn't because of any other interior reasons. He was willing to go because it was in accordance to God's plan and His kingdom. At this point I don't know what else the lady said in her talk because my thoughts took over from there. I thought about last night. In a way I also said "here am I, send me" but what my heart really meant to say was "here am I, send me, but only if I can make new friends in this ward and not in a calling where I'll feel secluded from others" or "yes but only if it's a calling where I'll meet my new best friend". I wanted something out of a new calling for myself. I should have said yes because this is where God needs me to help grow his kingdom. I did verbally say yes yesterday but I definitely did it with a reluctant heart. Today I got the wake up call my soul needed. We weren't able to get set apart today but next week when we finally are I'm glad to know my heart will be in a better place and my "yes. Here am I, send me" will be because I sincerely want to give all glory to my God.

Besides how can I complain about church with Danny by my side as we get to watch Addie interact with other little kids? If anything it's a pretty incredible blessing. :) I'm embarrassed to admit I needed this attitude adjustment today. 

One last thing. This last week during my personal scripture study I came across this quote from President Thomas S. Monson. 

"So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment. . . . We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude. "