Surprise!

Shocked. That's how today started. I took a pregnancy test this morning 100% not expecting to see a positive line but there it was. It was right there and not the least bit faint. Shock. At least I think that's what I felt. It wasn't disappointment but it also wasn't immediate excitement. I then felt nervous, how was I going to tell Danny. I thought of waiting until I could think of a clever way but since I was in shock I knew I needed to tell him sooner rather than later. I walked out into the living room not sure how I'd do it and I went and sat by him. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so as nonchalantly as I could I asked:

"How do you feel about baby turkeys?"

Him confused: "baby turkeys?"

"Yeah baby turkeys . . . in the oven"

He looked at me weirdly "are you pregnant?"

"I just took a test and there's a line"

"Oh crap."

Haha yep that's how our conversation went. I was surprised he even came to that conclusion because my comment about baby turkeys was a little confusing and weird. I should have been able to think of something better. Like I said I was in shock and couldn't think of a clever cute way to announce it. I then grabbed the test from the bathroom and showed him. Then we spent the next long while both sitting in shock as we let the news sink in. You see this was a surprise, an unexpected, unplanned surprise. We were preventing it and I was on the pill. We don't know how far along we are exactly because I have no idea when I ovulated. I'm still trying to nurse Hudson and haven't had a cycle since I found out I was pregnant with him in April of last year. We do kind of have a guess. A couple of weeks ago my pills ended and there were a couple of days where I was in between until I got new ones. We used other forms of prevention but our best guess is that it must've happened during that short window. I got back on the pill and have been ever since. Now I worry that me taking it while pregnant (although I didn't know) can't be good.

The reason I took a test this morning was because of a joke Danny had made. I've been waking up every single night to go pee (tmi) and last night when I climbed back into bed I complained to him how I felt like an old lady with a small bladder. I was frustrated that I was waking up to pee when I knew that there was a high chance that I'd be awake soon because of Hudson anyway. Danny joked that I should take a pregnancy test in the morning but he wasn't serious. He didn't even give it a second thought. We both rolled over and went back to sleep. I remembered his comment and thought it would be funny to actually take a test (since I had one) to show him that I'm just in fact old with a weak bladder until I saw the result haha. Then it wasn't really funny anymore.

This does explain my sudden drop of milk supply. On Sunday I was having a difficult time trying to soothe Hudson and get him to sleep. He was being so fussy that I just thought it was because he was over tired. I tried nursing him but it was only upsetting him more so in desperation I finally grabbed a bottle and gave it to him. He chugged the entire 11 oz bottle in less than a minute (maybe a slight exaggeration on the time?). Poor kid was starving! I didn't realize he was frustrated from hunger and I felt so bad for him. Up until that day he hadn't done well with bottles but he was so happy to eat that night. Now it makes sense. I'm pregnant and that's why my milk is practically gone.

Baby Bean I've been thinking about you all day. I think the shock is still there for me and your dad but it will eventually go away and we're going to be ready for you. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I already know I'm thankful for you. I don't know how long you've already been with us but we're glad you are. We feel like you were meant for us. The timing might be a little ( more like a lot) stressful for us but knowing that this was unplanned somehow gives me a sense of peace that you were meant to be. Unplanned does not mean unloved. Your dad and I have been talking about you and we already have love for you.

The first doctor appointment is already scheduled for December and I cannot wait for an ultrasound to see you little Bean.