Pregnant!

Pregnant! We found out the morning of Grant's birthday that our family will be growing one last time. To give a little background information I did not think it would happen this year. Danny was certain he wanted to wait a couple years for him to be done with grad school. I was hopeful that it would happen though. I do believe that it only happened because of quarantine. I think it's going to come as a shock to our families, because everyone knows I was ready for one more but that Danny was not. He's been very vocal about his desire to be done. But what no one knows is that he was not done. Danny has felt for over a year now that there was a baby in heaven that needed to come down. He accepted it with his heart but wasn't ready to accept it with his brain just yet. Of course I also felt that one needed to come down but wanted Danny to get to the point where he felt ready for it. Last year when he was away in Vanuatu he started feeling that we weren't done, despite him wanting to be. He video called me one night and told me how he knows there's one more. I was happy to hear this. It's funny that we both felt done after Hudson but then Grant happened and ever since he was born I knew I wasn't done. Anyway I remember telling Danny that once he got back home his mind will change because life in grad school with young children is really overwhelming at times. To my dismay I ended up being right. Shortly after Danny returned from Vanuatu he was back to being done or at least waiting a couple years. Six months later on this past January he took a trip to London. While there the same thing happened. He called home and said "I think we need to have another one". Even though it was music to my ears I still told him that once he got home he's going to change his mind again. He did. His mind was changed. I started looking forward to our European trip because I thought for sure the prompting would come back to him and this time I'd be with him. I really thought the best chances of adding another baby sooner rather than later would happen in Europe over the summer. Then Covid 19 happened and I knew the trip wasn't going to happen. I started accepting that it just wasn't going to happen this year and that we could wait to revisit the conversation in a couple years when Danny is all done with grad school. I also felt that in a couple years when we're all out of the young toddler stage that I won't even want to jump back into the baby stage. I'll actually know what a full night's rest will feel like which sounds pretty good these days. I started seeing our family as a family of five and actually felt good about it. It seemed like the perfect size. 

As I started getting to the point where I was content with just three kids I started having these weird panicky moments where I'd be getting the kids ready to leave the house and then I'd start looking around with the thought that I kept forgetting a kid. It was so weird, because I knew I had three kids and could be looking at all three kids yet still briefly panic because I felt like I forgot someone. These moments always were super fast and didn't last long but it would happen so many times. It was weird. Even though I'd have those moments I was still okay and content with putting off any pregnancies because we were using this year to really work on ourselves. I started waking up at 6:30am every morning and would go for a run before the kids even got up and Danny would be home doing his morning routine, before settling in his makeshift home office for the day. 

Having him home all the time was awesome. Campus was closed because of the pandemic so we saw a lot of him. He did learn though that working from home is really hard. There's a lot more distractions and harder to stay focused and on task. I tried to keep the kids out of the office so he could work but Danny always seemed to wander into the kitchen haha. The kids would see him out and think it's play time. They had a hard time accepting that Dad was still "at school" because to them he was home. I'm also not innocent and would often "visit" him at work because I was just excited to have another adult in the house since I spend every single day surrounded by our little kids. This quarantine period has definitely had it's hard moments with almost everything being closed but as in our case it has also opened so much more family time. Anyway, back to the current pregnancy. A month ago Danny decided we should leave it in God's hands and if it happens it happens. It happened. He was hoping it would take longer like it did with Hudson. I was actually a little nervous to even see the test results because I wasn't sure how he would handle the news if it was positive. I was supposed to start my cycle and I hadn't started. I waited five days and it still didn't come. Then Friday night Danny asked why I hadn't tested yet. I told him I was nervous and that in this case no matter what result it is one of us would be sad about it. I told him I'd rather be the sad one in this situation because if I am pregnant it's going to be a life changing thing where as if I'm not then I'll just endure another cycle for a couple days and get over it. He said "please don't think like that, I think you should take the test". I told him I'd wait until the next morning because then the HCG levels would be stronger (I don't know if that's true). At this point though with me being five days late I don't think we even needed to test. We both knew. 

The next morning on Saturday the 25th I woke up early. I thought Danny was asleep as I snuck into the bathroom to take the pregnancy test. I wasn't surprised to see a positive. Of course it would be. I was nervous though. I snuck back into bed where Danny instantly rolled over. He was not asleep. He knew exactly what I was doing and was waiting to hear about it. "So? What did it say?" I probably sounded so scared as I told him I'm pregnant. What happened next was not what I was expecting. His reaction was so good. He instantly started laughing but it was a happy laugh. "Congratulations! This is good news!" "It is?" "Yeah it really is". He then went on to tell me how he stayed up all night thinking about this baby. He knows this baby is supposed to be here but was always too overwhelmed to think about it or try to plan for it. He just needed it to happen so that he could fully embrace it. He explained how Grant was unplanned but turned out to be the best thing ever and feels this will be the same thing. This baby will be the best thing ever. Thanks 2020 for not being the complete worst year after all.

Beans is Two

My baby boy is two! 

All About Grant Year Two

Favorite Foods - Tacos, Black Bean Chicken, Bananas
Favorite Shows - Baby Shark, Bluey
Favorite Movies - N/A (He doesn't have one)

Favorite Book - Where's Baby's Belly Button
Favorite Songs - Popcorn Popping, Wheels On The Bus, Baby Shark
Favorite Toy - Disney Cars and his Garbage Truck Toy

He Can - Climb, Jump, Talk Nonstop, Sing, Dance

He Weighs - 22 lbs (6%)
He Stands - 34 in (31%)

Nicknames - Baby, Beans, Baby Beans, Granty Panty
Loves - Cars, Planes, Garbage Trucks, Bubbles

Dislikes - Sharing Mommy and Daddy
Favorite Game - Dancing

Link to All About Grant Year One

Grant is seriously such a fun kid to have around. He's always dancing, laughing and trying to make others smile. His favorite day of the week is Thursday because that's garbage day. He'll sit at the window until they come and when they come he gets sooooo excited. We usually watch from the front porch and the garbage men workers always make sure to wave back to him so it's extra adorable. To say he loves them is an understatement. Grant would also fit the definition of a sour patch kid because as fun as he is he can also be a little punk. I say that with love. He'll often shove Hudson or Addie just to show them that he's the boss around here and that he's my baby boy. If he sees me holding one of them he'll quickly try to dominate my lap, and he'll do whatever he needs to do to have me. It's a good thing he's so adorable and cute. He just needs to learn that sharing is caring. 😊

He woke up bright and early as if he knew today was his day. Just kidding that's not why he woke up. He just happens to wake up early every day but since it was his birthday that's okay. Addie and Hudson were really excited for Grant to open his presents and we had to thoroughly explain at least three or four times that these presents belong to Grant. He opened up a case of new Disney Cars which he loves and a pack of airplanes. We then gave him a play kitchen which turned out to be his favorite. Hopefully it gets a lot of play time even though it's not exactly the kitchen that Danny and I were hoping to get him. After his presents were opened and his breakfast was had I took him to his hair appointment. His hair had gotten considerably long so earlier on this birthday morning he went and got a haircut. He didn't like sitting in that car chair while his hair was getting chopped but even then he did so good. Grant was looking dapper and was ready for his little party.

I was planning on doing a Toy Story themed birthday with a banner that read "Two Infinity and Beyond" but Grant is all about baby shark (the song) right now and once I saw this little shark party idea I knew I had to do it. Toy Story would have been cute but Baby Shark just screams Grant right now. He's always singing it and wanting others to join in with the motions. Basically I love how much he loves it. So I found him a little tank that read 'Birthday Shark Two Two Two'. Instead of choosing to feed everyone like we've done in the past we made the time for the party to be after dinner so that people can come for just brownies and ice cream. Bless Danny's mom but she decided to bring dinner for everyone anyway and it was a little awkward because my parents were there and watched them eat. I was mildly annoyed but this evening was about Grant so let me get back to writing about him. Grant did pretty well opening up all his presents and was cute doing so. His favorite part of the night though came after presents were all opened and people were getting ready to leave, because that's when he got to ride in Jaina and Jackson's shark car. They happen to have a blue colored car with a little fin shaped antenna on the rear end of the roof and it makes their car look like a shark to both Grant and Hudson. It started because Hudson asked if he could go for a ride and then Grant really wanted to as well so Jaina and Jackson took the kids in the back of their car for a little ride in the neighborhood. The kids loved it. It's funny how something as simple as a car ride can feel so exciting to little kids when they use their imagination.

 

Grant I love you and I'm so glad we got to spend the whole day with you. You're still the best surprise of my life. Happy birthday Beans. 

Second Birthday Letter to Baby Beans

Dear Grant,

You know what the best part about the European trip being cancelled is? It's that now we don't get to miss even a second of your second birthday. We would have been flying into Utah around noon on your day and I was feeling so much guilt over it. I tried to find the earliest flight possible so that I could spend as much of the day as I could with you. I know you wouldn't have known the difference and wouldn't even remember this day in years to come but I still wanted to do my best to be there. I'm glad it got cancelled so that there were no conflicts and I could fully celebrate our little boy. You are such a joy to have in our home. You're silly, brave, adventurous and so social. You also still like to cuddle which is awesome. You make us laugh daily which for a year that things seem to be going wrong a lot it's really needed. You love going for car rides now which is night and day difference from your baby days. You used to hate the car and would cry for most of the drive. Now you get sad if we leave the house without you because you want to join us for wherever it is we're doing. You're the best little pal. You can also be crazy mischievous too though. You know how to climb to get to what you want which would make you our first climber out of the three kids. You're always trying to get up high on the counter or you're stacking things up so that you can get to the top to look out the window better. We keep saying you're going to be our first kid to end up in the ER with some kind of injury because you're out daredevil kid. We now have to have the couch lined up against the wall because if it's in the place it's supposed to be you'll hang over the backside and do a front flip off it. At first I thought it was an accident but you've done it three or four times now it's only a matter of time before you get seriously hurt. So for the time being it has to be placed against a wall. Thanks for that haha. As crazy adventurous as you are it's still so much fun to follow you around. 

We found out the morning of your second birthday that you're going to be a big brother. It's a little bittersweet because to me you're my little baby boy and I worry how you'll transition to not being the youngest. You don't even like sharing me with the siblings you already have haha. You became a big cousin this past month though to baby Max and it's been cute seeing how gentile you are when you're around him so maybe this will be the same. All I know is that I'm going to do my best to make sure you always know you have a huge part of my heart and that will never change. I love you Beans and I hope you have the best year! 

Love, 

Mom

Grandma Judy

Danny's Grandma Judith (Donna's mom) passed away last week so we took a quick overnight trip to Cedar City for her funeral. She had tested positive for Covid two weeks before her death but overcame and survived that. Her health had been declining for some time and she had also been suffering from dementia for even longer than that. I have never known her without her alzheimer's diagnosis. We've been having some car troubles and our car was in the shop. We didn't know if we'd be able to make this little trip due to the fact we had no car and Danny and I have been social distancing from others because he has a tentative big oral examination coming up that he cannot be sick for. I'm also social distancing because if I catch Covid and my sister passes then I won't be able to attend her funeral. In the end we decided it could be nice for Danny's mom for us to show up even if it's just briefly. Danny's parents and siblings left earlier in the week and made a week of it and that would have been fun if we under different circumstances. 

We rented a van yesterday evening after Danny got home from school and drove to Cedar City. We got there in time for bedtime and luckily Addie and Hudson both feel asleep quickly. Grant on the other hand was well aware that we were in a new hotel room and that might have been a little exciting for him. He had trouble sleeping and finally late into the night fell asleep. We woke up early this morning, grabbed some breakfast and then arrived at the funeral home. Unfortunately we didn't get there in time to see Danny's grandma before the coffin closed. Danny went into the room to listen to the speakers uninterrupted while I stayed in the foyer with our three kids. We brought little things to keep them occupied and it worked. Danny was never close to this grandma and insisted that he was fine with us not staying long but I'm happy that we were able to at least participate in parts of it. After the funeral home we headed to the cemetery where Danny was a pallbearer and then after the ceremonial prayer we got back in the rented van and made the drive home. We didn't participate in the luncheon because of we didn't want to risk any Covid exposure from all the family and friends who travelled from far. Danny has relatives who came from North Carolina who flew in and right now the airports are germ fests. We decided to grab food on the way home and made it back before dinner. All in all we were not even gone 24 hours. It was a very fast trip where yesterday we were home at this time and now here we are a day later and we're already back home but in the meantime we stayed overnight in a city not close to here. It's not looking like a vacation is going to happen this year so does going away for 12 hours count?

Grandma Judy I've heard lots of stories about you and I just wish we had more moments together and gotten to know one another. Rest in peace.

Leave it to Addie to find and catch a grasshopper during the ceremonial prayer. :)

Cancelled

Today we would've been saying "see ya later" to our kiddos and then hopping on a plane for a couple weeks in Europe but that's obviously not happening due to Covid. So it's going to be a dessert filled day while we pretend that we aren't actually here and that staying home is fun. 😂

In all serious though I'm at peace that this trip was cancelled. Back in late March when we knew the possibility of cancelation was high I was not though. I was very upset. This was a trip that I had spent months planning and day dreaming about. We were going to visit several different countries and I was excited for each one. On our itinerary we had Finland, Netherlands, Sweden, Estonia and Russia. We had ferry rides, bucket list destinations and of course castles in our plans. Grandma Great (Colleen) was especially excited to show us around her mission grounds and introduce us to her old friends. It's not happening though and it really is okay. I was starting to really stress over who would watch our children. Jill was at the top of our list but with her recent newborn we knew we didn't want to overwhelm her with our kids and was really struggling over the decision on who would watch them instead. Both of our parents offered help but I had my concerns. This trip being cancelled turned out to be a disguised blessing for me because I think it would have been really hard to part with them. I know the issues are partly with myself though and that the kids would have been okay with whoever we trusted them with. It's hard because I think with one of our kids really struggling with anxiety my mama heart would have struggled being away. With that said I do feel bad for Danny. I know he was also looking for a nice getaway where we can just focus on ourselves as a couple and not have the stress that comes with parenthood be at the forefront of our daily lives. I'm hoping that we can still make something happen this year, even if we don't even leave the state of Utah. 2020 is surely going to be known in the history books as a rough year for everyone. Here's to making the best of it!

July Outing - Springville Spashpad

This is proving to be a busy month for us. We've decided to move and will be out of our place by the end of July so we only have a couple weeks left here. It's been a great place but we feel that our next place will be a better situation for us in the longterm. I felt that the kids needed a fun afternoon and that we just needed to take a break from any packing so I decided to take all three kids to the splashpad while we left Danny to have some alone time and so that he can get some of his own work done with no distractions. Jill, Georgia and Max joined us and it was fun seeing the kids all enjoy themselves. Jill was also nice enough to bring donuts for everyone which is always a win with the kids. Hopefully we'll be able to do some more fun things even with this summer being so different for everyone these days.