Believe

For the past year I have wondered if I should finally tell Addie about Santa, Felix, the Tooth Fairy etc. When I say the past year I mean all twelve months I have thought about this at some point throughout the week. Last Christmas season I had a feeling that it would probably be Addie's last season of 'believing'. I actually almost told her last year but a huge part of me didn't want the 'magic' to go away for her. I tend to make things a huge deal in my head and this was definitely one of my main worries. Danny has always wanted to just tell the kids the truth from the start and I was starting to really regret not just doing it his way because I fought for the magical tradition but then I got to a point where I just felt like I was lying and I didn't like how I felt.

As December was coming closer I decided to just do it. At least to just tell her about Felix. I actually wanted to tell all the kids and just rip the bandaid but to my surprise Danny suddenly went to my old views about how we should let the others believe a little longer. It was like we switched places haha and I never would have imagined that to happen. But I decided to just start with Addie since she was ten years old and would be in Young Woman's next year. But I think I have also decided that if at any point one of my kids ask about the truth I'm leaning on just telling them then. Because over the years Addie did ask a couple of times and I was the one to keep it going because I was sad and not ready to let it go. Anyway I decided to tell her. 

So one evening during Thanksgiving week when I was in her room I told her that I wanted to tell her something and the talk actually went so well. My plan was to just tell her about Felix and leave it up to her for any other questions she wanted to ask. I told her that we actually moved Felix around at night and thankfully she looked relieved and she told me that it was something she kind of already figured out on her own but she didn't want to ask us haha. She loved the idea of being our newest Felix helper this season and has helped find places to place Felix for her younger siblings to find out. The day after I told her about Felix she came up to me and asked about Santa Clause. So I took her to my room and we read this story together that's about how we do believe in Santa but not like the big red man who comes down your chimney. The book was actually recommended to me by Marie because I have talked endlessly the last couple of months to Marie, Jill and Jaina about how to approach this. The book is really cute and it shows the comparisons between Santa and Jesus and why it's good to believe in the idea of Santa. She took that really well too. I might have worried more than I needed to worry when it came to telling her. I can only hope that it goes this smooth with the others in the future. Addie is really good about keeping the magic alive for her younger siblings and for even her best friend here in Fargo. I asked Addie if she was sad that now she knew and she assured me that she would rather know and pretend to believe than to fully believe and not know at all. 

The funniest moment happened the other day when Hudson lost his tooth. He had put it under his pillow and I completely forgot about it until that next morning when Hudson came down and told Danny and I that the tooth fairy hadn't come. My immediate reaction was to put my hands to my face (like a face palm) and then within a second Danny and I both looked at Addie who had her mouth wide open and her eyes so big because she was having a realization of the tooth fairy and then we all just started laughing (except for Hudson who was a little confused at our reaction haha). Since then she has also asked about leprechauns and now I think she's all up to date because we never did celebrate the Easter bunny. 

I think my biggest fear or hesitation concerning all this came from feeling guilty that I might be ruining all holidays for this super holiday loving girl of mine. I think out of all the kids she's the one who most looks forward to them and I didn't know how this would effect her. Thankfully it wasn't a bad experience and she seemed ready to know.